condolences?

scoobert

scoobert

Has Left the Room - Banned from VTCOA!
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i could not even sleep tonight.
my two best friends in the whole world lost there mother this week.
she was 54.
after not being able to get her on the phone for 3 days they drove over to her house to find her dead.
they are really tore up.
not being sure what to say, i said what has been said to me half a dozzen times.
"sorry for your loss"
is that enough? i have to talk to her again today, and if there is anything else i can say please tell me.
never have been any good with this kinda thing.
told her if i was there i would give her a hug, and if there was anything else i could do let me know.
the whole i'm sorry thing never did anything for me. its never ment anything to me.
so again, i am looking for better words for the two girls who have adopted me as a brother.
serious suggestions?
 
Man i don't think that there is something you can say. That can make someone feel better when something like this happens. It's very hard.
 
That's terrible... I am at a loss for words at the moment.

I know that most things in this world teach us how we can better ourselves, to shape our existence, crease it so sharply so as to stand out once everything eventually unfolds. It's until moments like these, you stand back and take a look at everything and everyone, including yourself.

Saying "sorry" is just courtesy, and sometimes it isn't excusable. In this case I think sharing some sort of understanding about how deep the feelings go would be showing warm appreciation for everything. Put yourself in their shoes, and try to see that it isn't what you can say, it's what you're not saying that means the most. It's taking the time out of your day, making the effort that means the world of difference. Just being there for comfort and support is healing in itself.


I am sorry for their loss as losing a mother.. it.. once the root of your family is gone away, you really do feel alone and nothing can bring you back from it, it's something you have to endure for as long you walk this earth. It either hardens you, or it consumes you. But one thing that is certain, their mother will be with them, always.


It has to be from the heart, there's no wrong way to show that you care. Because eventually, it will happen to our loved ones some day or another.

Take Care.
 
Last edited:
JaCeD_X said:
That's terrible... I am at a loss for words at the moment.

I know that most things in this world teach us how we can better ourselves, to shape our existence, crease it so sharply so as to stand out once everything eventually unfolds. It's until moments like these, you stand back and take a look at everything and everyone, including yourself.

Saying "sorry" is just courtesy, and sometimes it isn't excusable. In this case I think sharing some sort of understanding about how deep the feelings go would be showing warm appreciation for everything. Put yourself in their shoes, and try to see that it isn't what you can say, it's what you're not saying that means the most. It's taking the time out of your day, making the effort that means the world of difference. Just being there for comfort and support is healing in itself.


I am sorry for their loss as losing a mother.. it.. once the root of your family is gone away, you really do feel alone and nothing can bring you back from it, it's something you have to endure for as long you walk this earth. It either hardens you, or it consumes you. But one thing that is certain, their mother will be with them, always.


It has to be from the heart, there's no wrong way to show that you care. Because eventually, it will happen to our loved ones some day or another.

Take Care.
Click to expand...
Great post, thoughtful and well written.
Scoob, there is very little you could say, just show your love and support, and certainly ask, sincerely, if there is anything you can do to ease their burden.
 
take care of some of their chores,which in a time like this is trivial to them, but still needs to be done,cook them a meal, offer to run their errands,see that the garbage gets put out etc.
 
Scoob,
This is a tough one, but I had a sister who passed away from Cancer.
And this helped for me. I'm not very religous but here's my story.
Sorry if it's a little long.

We spent her last night at her bedside even though she was in a coma. In the morning we told my brother-in-law and their kids to go get some sleep. I went across town to pick up my Aunt so she could see my sister one last time. My Brother and Dad stayed at the hospital in a family room in the ward, and my other sister sat at the bedside. When I got back I took one look at her and I knew she was gone. We called in the nurse and it was confirmed..Karen was no longer with us.
Of course her husband and myself both felt horrible for not being there when she passed. But my brother said one small statement that really helped.

"She went when you were away because God didn't want you to see that."

We are not a very religious family, but that small statement really helped.

A few years later, my father in law passed away. My Mother in law was with him but took a small break to get a cup of coffee. He passed when she was out of the room. Those same words helped to console her.

I don't know if or how this could help you with your friends. But just being a good friend to them right now is what they need. They know how you feel and that goes above and beyond anything you could say.
 
Sorry for your loss and just being there for them is all you can do
 
God Bless
 
Some very thoughful and well defined posts here.....Well done, everyone.

Understanding the pain of others and caring about them is part of the path to self realization and the true spiritual life. It's good that you care enough about the hearts of your friends or family that you ask for help.

Dig deep into your heart. Your love for them will show you the way. Eventually, out of the abundance of your heart, your mouth will speak. Don't worry about the right words.

I salute you for loving and caring for others with this kind'a depth. :congrats:

"Absent from the body= present with the Lord"..........

D

D
 
did not call her today, i text her and told her if she needed to talk i was there.
i want to give her room to grieve. she has two full days this weekend to grieve.
i think she will be "right as rain" by the end of next week.
 
Very sorry for your loss. I can speak from experience. We had people bring us food, mow the lawn, we even had someone help keep up with laundry while we handled the arrangements. The little things are what adds up and adds to the struggle of trying to grieve. The people that were friends that did these things came in respectfully and gently urged us to just go be together and let them handle dinner or dishes. Words cant describe how much that helped
 
Scoobert , my bro sorry for a loss .
I went thru that when i was 15 . I lost my mom to hear problem . And same year i lost my dad to work accedent . Its not easy , but sometime ppl need time for them selfs .
Sometime there is nothing you can do . And when you say to someone siple sorry its better then trying more then that ...
 
i hear ya. i have known death my whole life and it has lost its sting for me.
father at 15, grandfather at 18, grandmother at 24, grandmother at 27.
death has always helped me realize i love those left more then i thought.
 
Django said:
Some very thoughful and well defined posts here.....Well done, everyone.

Understanding the pain of others and caring about them is part of the path to self realization and the true spiritual life. It's good that you care enough about the hearts of your friends or family that you ask for help.

Dig deep into your heart. Your love for them will show you the way. Eventually, out of the abundance of your heart, your mouth will speak. Don't worry about the right words.

I salute you for loving and caring for others with this kind'a depth. :congrats:

"Absent from the body= present with the Lord"..........

D

D
Click to expand...

Good post. Great advice.
 
scoobert said:
i hear ya. i have known death my whole life and it has lost its sting for me.
father at 15, grandfather at 18, grandmother at 24, grandmother at 27.
death has always helped me realize i love those left more then i thought.
Click to expand...

I understand where you a coming from.

Just never let anything break you, When that happens. You your self is broken.

Sorry for the loss of somebody you loved & cared for.
 
I would assume while you are consoling them, they will tell you. If they dont, I wouldn't ask...yet
 
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