different countries jokes

attila

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Lake Como , Italy
let's start "random" from Belgium :D :D :D :D (I believe this one is quite old)

You know when you've been in Belgium too long when ...

1. You always stop your car for traffic from even the tiniest little road from the right.

2. You consider breaking the speed limit normal, and honk and flash at people who don't.

3. If you have had less than 10 beers you drive your car home, but you still don't indicate when turning or respect the speed limit.

4. If you have a car, you consider any other means of transportation slightly suspicious.

5. You know the names of at least 10 different sauces for chips.

6. You catch yourself ordering a "Supplement Frites" with every single dish you have in any kind of restaurant.

7. You give other foreigners lectures on the difference between fake and real monastery-produced beer.

8. You don't drink the last two centilitres of a Westmalle trippel.

9. You never wear any colour brighter than dark green. You automatically assume anyone who does is either a. Dutch
b. Scandinavian
c. American or
d. Extremely childish or rude

10. Just one day without rain even in July and August can make you happy.

11. On Saturday morning and Sunday evening of any sunny summer-weekend you accept spending more than three hours stuck in traffic jams on motorways in order to get to and from 100 km's of coastline that are completely cramped with high-risers 20 meters from the beach.

12. You don't mind that bouncers have to be given at least 20 francs when you leave a disco as a bribe for letting you get in next time

13. You consider it normal that even the train to and from the airport has announcements in both Dutch and French, but not in English. You don't react when all the foreigners storm out of the train at the announcement of Brussels North when coming from the airport.

14. You do all your grocery shopping in either GB or Delhaize, and you don't understand anyone who shops in the other supermarket chain.

15. You consider it normal to go out to a restaurant at least five times per week.

16. You think it is logical that shops are closed Sundays and evenings, but buy the booze you consume in night-shops between 4 and 5 AM Sunday morning.

17. You use and understand abbreviations like NMBS/SNCB, MIVB/STIB and SMAP/OMOB.

18. You only buy the most up-market chocolate brands, and feel sorry for the geeks who buy "white products".

19. You start going to Quick instead of McDonalds and you have actually tasted the Quick Bearnaise Burger.

20. You think it looks nice when the type of pavement tiles in front of each house are different, and you don't mind falling over lopsided tiles occasionally.

21. You take dog-shit on the pavement as just another challenge on you daily walks.

22. You keep three colours of bin-bags for different kinds of waste, and remember which days to put out which kind of bag on the pavement in front of your house.

23. You don't mind when most streets are full of bags that have been put out on the wrong day, not even in the summer when the combination of the sun and intrepid dogs makes it a very interesting experience.

24. You automatically assume that everyone else speaks at least three languages, but refuse to speak more than one yourself.

25. You have given up on any sensible political discussion on the language divide in general and the Brussels Capital Region and the future of Belgium in particular.

26. You consider politicians and the police worse than criminals, with the possible exception of paedophiles.

27. You consider it perfectly normal when the names of towns on road signs change from French to Dutch and vice versa every 5 or 10 kilometres of motorway.

28. You have understood that the hassle of monthly visits to the municipality to obtain papers or residence permits is reserved for recently arrived foreigners who move every 6 months, and you therefore don't complain over your own annual visit where you wait in line for an hour or two.




anyway, I've been in Brussel last year: very nice city, but it rained!:dontknow: :D
 
self kidding:


- THE ITALIAN WHO WENT TO DETROIT -

Ona day Ima got to Detroit to a big hotel. Ina morning I go down to eat
breakfast. I tella da waitress I wanna two piss's toast. She bringa me only one
piss I tella her I wanna two piss. She tella me to go to da toilet. I say you
no undastand, I wanna two piss onna my plate. She say you betta not piss ona
da plate, you sonna ma bitch. I donna even know da lady and she calla me
sonna ma bitch.

Later I go to eat lunch at the Draka Restaurant. The waitress bringa me
a knife, spoon, butta no fock. I tell her I wanna fock. She tella me
everybody wanna fock. I tella her you know undastand, I wanna fock ona da
table. She tella me you betta not fock ona da table, you sonna ma bitch. So,
I go back to my room ina hotel, and there is no shit ona my bed. I calla
manager and tella him I wanna shit. He tella me to go to da toilet. I say you
no undastand, I wanna shit ona da bed. He say you betta not shit ona da bed,
you sonna ma bitch. So I go to chech oda da hotel, and da man at the desk say
peace to you. I say, piss ona you too you sonna ma bitch, Ima go back to
Italia!
 
Lord Jesus, save us.............................!

At least they have their very own minorities..........Popcorn, anyone...?

D
 
attila said:
self kidding:


- THE ITALIAN WHO WENT TO DETROIT -

Ona day Ima got to Detroit to a big hotel. Ina morning I go down to eat
breakfast. I tella da waitress I wanna two piss's toast. She bringa me only one
piss I tella her I wanna two piss. She tella me to go to da toilet. I say you
no undastand, I wanna two piss onna my plate. She say you betta not piss ona
da plate, you sonna ma bitch. I donna even know da lady and she calla me
sonna ma bitch.

Later I go to eat lunch at the Draka Restaurant. The waitress bringa me
a knife, spoon, butta no fock. I tell her I wanna fock. She tella me
everybody wanna fock. I tella her you know undastand, I wanna fock ona da
table. She tella me you betta not fock ona da table, you sonna ma bitch. So,
I go back to my room ina hotel, and there is no shit ona my bed. I calla
manager and tella him I wanna shit. He tella me to go to da toilet. I say you
no undastand, I wanna shit ona da bed. He say you betta not shit ona da bed,
you sonna ma bitch. So I go to chech oda da hotel, and da man at the desk say
peace to you. I say, piss ona you too you sonna ma bitch, Ima go back to
Italia!

That was a funny sonna ma bitch :rock:
 
Belgiumbarry next mod on his truck!:D :D :D

waffle_bus.jpg
 
attila said:
Belgiumbarry next mod on his truck!:D :D :D

waffle_bus.jpg

don't go into this section.... everybody knows YOU are modding "things":

here's Attila cat.jpgworking on his truck... Alfa-Romeo-Alfasud_5352888.jpg.. i think he's looking for some ram-air...
and here's Mr HD dog.jpg.. his truck ... ??? yes, he's flaring the fenders... Fiat-500_5358033.jpg.. haha , think he wants drag-tyres mounted...
 
:dontknow: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
 
I think all you sonna ma bitchs should come to Detroit, we will have a blast.:D

Bill.
 
attila said:
hey, I really have a Fiat 500!!! hahahaha

When it is taken to the dealer for service do you have to say...................

Fixa Ita Againa Tony?????:D :D :D ;)
:dontknow: :dontknow: :dontknow: :dontknow: :dontknow: :dontknow:
 
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

haha I didn't know this one! I don't believe there are many FIATs over there...

but let me think about Belgium... what brand of cars do they build? errrrrr... mhhhh... can't remember, but for sure hot blond chicks from Belgium do like Italian sport cars hahaha :reddy: :reddy: :reddy: :reddy: maybe because of their badges: a Horse or a Bull :dontknow: :dontknow:
 
Did ya hear about the Italian who entered a pawn shop after World War II...?

He says to the man at the counter, "Ay...... You wanna buy some really niza rifles...? Italian Army surplus... Never been'a fired...Only been'a dropped once..."

D
 
attila said:
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

haha I didn't know this one! I don't believe there are many FIATs over there...

but let me think about Belgium... what brand of cars do they build? errrrrr... mhhhh... can't remember, but for sure hot blond chicks from Belgium do like Italian sport cars hahaha :reddy: :reddy: :reddy: :reddy: maybe because of their badges: a Horse or a Bull :dontknow: :dontknow:

The joke is an American classic, just like Ford.....Fix Or Repair Daily :D :D

When it comes to hot Belgium blonds they prefer the American varietey,
after all we are Exotic Foreigners :rock: :rock: :D
I love the scent of Belgium Waffles (oops ) I mean Women (hot blonde ones)
in the morning:party: :party: :party: :D :D :D
 
attila said:
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

haha I didn't know this one! I don't believe there are many FIATs over there...

but let me think about Belgium... what brand of cars do they build? errrrrr... mhhhh... can't remember, but for sure hot blond chicks from Belgium do like Italian sport cars hahaha :reddy: :reddy: :reddy: :reddy: maybe because of their badges: a Horse or a Bull :dontknow: :dontknow:

yeah.. Belgium... we had cars.... now... some kit-ones...:eek:

BUTTTT : do you know ARKUS DUNTOV , THE man behind Corvette , was born.... YES !!! BELGIUM !!!! :p :p :D
that's the problem with us... if we have clever people they take them away.... :mad: ....but.... i'm still here :confused: :dontknow: :eek: :(
 
wow, I didn't know Zora was from Belgium, well fortunately he went to USA otherwise we had Wafflette instead of Corvette hahahahaha
 

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