OCBob
VIPER POWERED
Yeah, this is an old one and I probably even posted it before, but so what? It's still funny.
*********************************************
The young priest was so afraid at his first mass that he could hardly
speak. Before his second week in the pulpit, he asked the monsignor,
"How can I relax?"
The monsignor, a veteran of his work, said, "My son, this Sunday it
might help if you put vodka in the water pitcher instead of water.
After a few sips, everything should go smoothly."
Sunday came and the young priest did as the monsignor suggested. He
believed everything went very well.
After the sermon, the young priest asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, "Just fine, except you should remember the
following before addressing the congregation again:
"Next time, sip the vodka rather than gulping it down.
"There are 10 Commandments, not 12.
"There are 12 disciples, not 10.
"David 'slew' Goliath, he didn't 'kick the shit out of him.'
"We don't refer to the Cross as the 'Big T.'
"We don't refer to our Savior Jesus Christ and his Disciples as 'J.C.
and the boys.'
"We don't refer to the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit as the 'Big
Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.'
"Next Sunday, there is a taffy-pulling contest at Saint Peters, not a
'peter-pulling contest at Saint Taffy's.'
"The idea of a drive-in confessional is excellent, but the sign,
'Toot-n-Tell or Go to Hell' has to go.
"Last, but not least, we say The Virgin Mary, not the 'Mary with the
Cherry.'"
*********************************************
The young priest was so afraid at his first mass that he could hardly
speak. Before his second week in the pulpit, he asked the monsignor,
"How can I relax?"
The monsignor, a veteran of his work, said, "My son, this Sunday it
might help if you put vodka in the water pitcher instead of water.
After a few sips, everything should go smoothly."
Sunday came and the young priest did as the monsignor suggested. He
believed everything went very well.
After the sermon, the young priest asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, "Just fine, except you should remember the
following before addressing the congregation again:
"Next time, sip the vodka rather than gulping it down.
"There are 10 Commandments, not 12.
"There are 12 disciples, not 10.
"David 'slew' Goliath, he didn't 'kick the shit out of him.'
"We don't refer to the Cross as the 'Big T.'
"We don't refer to our Savior Jesus Christ and his Disciples as 'J.C.
and the boys.'
"We don't refer to the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit as the 'Big
Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.'
"Next Sunday, there is a taffy-pulling contest at Saint Peters, not a
'peter-pulling contest at Saint Taffy's.'
"The idea of a drive-in confessional is excellent, but the sign,
'Toot-n-Tell or Go to Hell' has to go.
"Last, but not least, we say The Virgin Mary, not the 'Mary with the
Cherry.'"
