Future headlines

OCBob

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splitting lanes at a buck ten
Headlines from 2029


Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

8 5 -year $75.8 billion study : Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.

New Federal Law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.


IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines
 
You forgot to add a few things ;)

Stinker - breaks the 13 second barrier !

Kevan - invents a guitar that plays itself much like the inventor does ;)

Wifey - elected to the Post Ho Hall of Fame and decided not to show for the ceremony, but did type a little something for someone else to read.

Nowwhat - See's the error in his ways and over compensates and adds 6 wings to his truck....Then marries VPRPWR's sister :D

OCBob - Buys a Hyundai motorcycle and becomes a traveling Evangelical minister in the Jesus rice lovers tour. Shortly after becoming the town Sheriff :D :p

Django - Turns 157 yrs old and Willow is now 7,056 yrs old and still goin !

Whitesnake - finally gives up his Homo ways when he is deported for driving a stolen Ice cream truck made of Weed. But opens a successful business selling fish taco's to tourists in Ensenada.

FlyingLow - grounded permanently due to delusions of grandeur and many ill fated attempts to get his desk to break the sound barrier :D

Krazy Kris - Finally gets to drive his truck...........But cant because he cant shake the stigma of being Miss Daisy for the past 30 years :p

Whazzsup - Becomes a shipping magnate and purchases UPS on to change the name to Whazz-Ups :confused:

Boomer - Breaks every bone in his body after installing a Super Charger on his Big wheel in a ill fated attempt to jump the Grand Canyon :D

Patrick - Sells his 14 th Viper and decides to by a " L ". regains control over the entire Internet with his purchase of his 75 th laptop :D

Iltemprd - Hit's 1,500 posts and the shock drives him over the edge and is committed to a special hospital in Nepal, where he becomes a Monk and takes a vow of No Postage :D

Silverback - Finally gets his wish and moves out of the Festering Shithole and is reassigned by Boeing to head a project in Upper Siberia :D Still has the only Yellow fever SRT-10 in his area and is resigned to the fact that he can only beat small Nanook people on sled's with that slow POS truck of his :p Decides to Re-mary for the 6 th time and this time he marries a Yeti and lives happily ever after :D

NBT - changes his screen name to NTB since Patrick still cant get it right LOLOLOL. Starts his own line of Ghey fashions and hires Haitian boat people in his sweat shops to make the clothes :D Becomes a Internet video producer and buys You tube and changes the name to Mantube....The channel for all things relating to Man Meat :D

Bone - becomes a Space Shuttle pilot and is the only man to ever live through 3 explosions......Marries his sister and sires a brood of one eyed terrorists that beat small children and take their Halloween candy!

Blakewilder - Blows his 37th Viper engine and says screw it and Tasks Boomer to create the worlds first Dilithium powered warp drive....In Billet or course........;) Still living in Nowwhat's basement he discovers the secret ingredient in Nowwhat's shampoo :p Yak Dung !!! Dries it out and tries to smoke it only to set the house on fire, which coincidentally slides down the hill after a mudslide :D

Rockin Ronnie - Finally gets a clue :p

IZ - Runs for President of the United States of the Americas..which now includes all of Mexico, Belize, the old USA and Canada....Wins and is overthrown in a Coup headed by 7 Beaners in Srt-10's.....Regains power after throwing a massive party and his Beer can wall of death falls and crushes 75 people :D But his secret comes out in a post election scandal when it becomes apparent he is still just Shawn's bitch :D

Eddie - becomes a shipping Magnate as well and goes to war with Black1 and Whazzsup. Wins the war and shoots himself in the forehead while stupidly hunting deer from a speeding Jeep while on Safari with Dick Cheney :D

Bigperm - Gets divorced more times then Elizabeth Taylor and retires comfortably on alimony and his penchant from Ringling Bros and is elected head of the National Brotherhood of Carnies :D

Prof - Becomes a professor of people who never have sex with other people..Writes a book called....My left hand ! :p Becomes a national best seller and is invited to be on Oprah...Where he has a flash back and decapitates Dr. Phil and impales Oprah with a Mic.....Is regarded as a National hero and finally gets laid, by a 78 yr old bag lady with Crabs :D

Stinker 2 - Gets abducted and finally gets a ride aboard the Mother-ship and is promptly returned back to earth when it's discovered that he is really his own Grandpa :D

Hammerhead - Goes postal on the I-10 delivering fruit for Eddie and decides to take out 57 cars with his big rig :D

Myugioh - Becomes Profit of the Mormon Church...Drives his beast to Elmira, New York and uncovers the Golden tablets....Gives them to Wifey to sell on Ebay and Marries his 77 th wife in Provo :D From the sale of the tablets he opens many hospitals across the country where in his secret circle of friends he is known as the Angel of Death and becomes the worlds most renowned Serial killer but gets away with it since he only kills " L " owners :D

Mr. Holden - On his 205th Birthday he marries a 17 year old prostitute that gives him the ride of his life........He is so happy he sends her to his Privately owned Breast Augmentation plant where she is forced to get implants that are 69 DDD and dies on her honeymoon when they visit the Grand Canyon....She leaned over to get a better view and ...............:rock: Time for a new model I guess ;)

Begood - -the jury is still out....But rest assured he still never gets laid :D
 
Last edited:
TheSickness said:
You forgot to add a few things ;)


LOL!

TheSickness - Mikey is a guest on the new, "How bad is your life" show, hosted by Jerry Springer's grandson, Summer Teeth Springer....after Mikey's new beau leaves him during the show, aptly titled, "My hermaprhaditic lover just don't do it for me anymore", Mikey realizes his true calling and opens a Hawian Shaved Ice stand in Arkansas, where he spends most of his days explaining to clients that while the ice was shaved like they do in Hawaii, it wasn't actually shaved there and shipped that way......oh, and he marries one of his closest cousins, who just divorced his son, and her babbydaddy is his brother :D
 
TheSickness said:
..............



Boomer - Breaks every bone in his body after installing a Super Charger on his Big wheel in a ill fated attempt to jump the Grand Canyon :D

It's funny. I just so happen to have a picture of Boomers Big Wheel.:p :D
 
Silverback said:
It's funny. I just so happen to have a picture of Boomers Big Wheel.:p :D

What, No Viper Power:dontknow: Must be the wrong Gary:D :p
 
Wow!

Just saw this thread!

Funny stuff Mikey, you sure your name's not Nostrodumass!?
 

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