Honest question about Bullying

[Azmotorhead]

I'm sure a few of us here have kids in school. The problem of bullies always arises.
I told my son that if He's getting bullied at school His actions should be,
1. Alert a teacher,Aid or Supervising adult first.
2. If bully persists either leave the area or tell the bully to stop.
3. After second warning to the bully to stop. He has every right to defend himself.With force if necessary.

My son is not prone to violent behavior and is learning Tae Kwan Do.
He knows the difference between right and wrong. He's more afraid of getting kicked out of school for fighting than anything.

I let him know that if He follows all the rules and obeys my rules above I'll back him 100%.
Question is:
At what point does it go from self defense to "fighting". Most schools will give a suspension to students who are caught "fighting".
Its very easy to see who the attacker is in a boxing or sparring match but once it becomes a wrestling match(as most schoolyard fights become) how do you discerene whos on the defensive?

 

[K-80-123]

I'm sure a few of us here have kids in school. The problem of bullies always arises.
I told my son that if He's getting bullied at school His actions should be,
1. Alert a teacher,Aid or Supervising adult first.
2. If bully persists either leave the area or tell the bully to stop.
3. After second warning to the bully to stop. He has every right to defend himself.With force if necessary.

My son is not prone to violent behavior and is learning Tae Kwan Do.
He knows the difference between right and wrong. He's more afraid of getting kicked out of school for fighting than anything.

I let him know that if He follows all the rules and obeys my rules above I'll back him 100%.
Question is:
At what point does it go from self defense to "fighting". Most schools will give a suspension to students who are caught "fighting".
Its very easy to see who the attacker is in a boxing or sparring match but once it becomes a wrestling match(as most schoolyard fights become) how do you discerene whos on the defensive?

I think what you have set out is good....but if he has no other choice but to fight.....Kick him in the nuts and then run to a teacher and let them know what happened.....The guy will think twice before he trys that again.

Walt

 

[Craig]

Phil if he's still just a lil guy I'd suggest a quick talk with his teacher. Just bring it to his/her attention and let em know your son is learning tae qwan do and you don't wanna see anything escalate further than it needs too. Just my thoughts but if I had a kid and sumone was given em shit i'd be at school askin the kid where he lived so I could beat his daddy's ass!!! :idea:

 

[Blakewilder]

I would tell him exactly what you have.......maybe add the teacher talk in there for good measure and see what happens.

 

[OCBob]

That is real tough in this day and age. Most schools now have a "zero tolerence" policy towards fighting. I really hate that term and what it means. We used to run this country with common sense, but that has all gone by the wayside. It all started with the feds and drugs and now is such a common part of the culture that most just take it for granted. Each and every situation is different and should be judged accordingly. Anyway, to get back down from my soap box, the advice you gave him is probably good advice. Though my thought process is defend yourself at all costs and then deal with the BS that is sure to come. But, it is much safer to have him tell a teacher I guess, at least there will be a record of the bullying behavior and it might help out later, though as I said earlier the "zero tolerence" policies dictate that it can't. I hope it works out for him, there is no place for bullying in this world, most bullies are insecure pukes, that will eventually get theirs.

 

[FlyingLow]

I would think in most cases the school admins know who is trouble makers and who's not. Self defense to me is fighting. The boy pushes your son and your son returns with a punch. The push started it, your son finished it. I would back my son even if he made the first contact. Once a bully is in your face it is game on. I would take anything in my sons personal space as an act of aggression and would expect him to respond. I would encourage walking away or other non-violent actions. But if it is not a possibility then the fight happens. I don't know if this answers your questions but I gave it a shot.

 

[Django]

Good morning to all,

This problem is all over the place. Kids grow up so fast nowadays...We have 12 yr old girls getting pregnant and 10 yr old boys committing rape.

Anyway, the rule is the same pretty much across the board. Apparently the laws of battery say that you cannot make an offensive move of most any kind as self defense. It seems like, unless you are defending yourself against deadly force you cannot use deadly force. From what I've seen if you use a fist against a fist it's mutual battery and both parties are considered guilty.

It is a shit scenario, but as some ring referree once said, "protect your self at ALL TIMES".

I would NOT tell any school administrators that your son studies martial arts. They will use it against you trying to prove that your son is an agressor. "He should never use martial arts on any fellow student", will be the accusation...Let them find that shit out for themselves.

As in all legal situations, for instance a break in to your house. The laws state that you must be confronted with deadly force before you can use deadly force against an aggressor. Police are pretty much bound by the same laws during an arrest.

You are actually expected to simply run away... In other words, "leave the scene immediately" to be perfectly safe from todays pinko frikkin' laws.

Don't reveal anything about his training unless you are asked about by an official entity like a policeman or magistrate.

Best case scenario: If no one's around and you can't get away from danger, do what you must do to disable the attacker and prevent a prolonged attack against you....

The problem is escalation later... Bully brings 3 of his friends etc....

But that's another story......

Best of Luck to you and your boy...This shit is always difficult... Just remember that the laws are stacked against you anytime you use force..

God bless,

SD

 

[hotshots]

Hey there,
I had a friend who got badly bullied at school and the only thing that worked after all else failed was the father went over and beat the shit out of the bullies father who thought what his son was doing was great needless to say the problem went away..
cheers
shane

 

[Silverback]

When I was in school I was one of the worst bullies you would have ever run across. The things I did were terrible.

Now with that said I have to say fighting is one of the worst things that can happen now days with the way things are. Unfortunately this is one of those no win situations. If you fight, you may get your ass beat and then kicked out of school. If you win the fight the bastard may come back later with a knife or gun. Go to a teacher and complain and then you are a snitch and if the bully is kicked out, he may still come back later for revenge with the knife or the gun. No matter what you are screwed.

I liked it in the old days. You fought, and the next day it was over. I hate to think what it will be like in 20 more years.

 

[SilvrSRT10]

Go to a teacher and complain and then you are a snitch and if the bully is kicked out, he may still come back later for revenge with the knife or the gun. No matter what you are screwed.

I was wondering if someone would bring this up. I agree, if you go to the teacher and he/she singles out the bully, be it a scolding or detention etc., it is just like thrownig gasoline on a fire. The bully and his friends may catch him in a secluded area and take it out on your son. Your walking a tight rope and I feel for you. When I was going through school, I was always the big kid in class and all the bullies wanted to test themselves against me. Problem was my parents said don't fight so I took it. If I had things to do over again, no one would even think about taking me on, but again those times were different. Things are much more violent now. Your between a rock and a hard place.

 

[Azmotorhead]

Thanks for all the input guys. Some really good advice from all.
True there is always the possibility of escalation and with the prevalance of firearms these days it makes it that much scarier.
Not disclosing that He's studying Martial Arts is a good point.
If you have a CW permit you're not going to go around telling everyone you're carrying are you? Let 'em find out the hard way.

 

[Django]

Ya know,

There's one angle I didn't think about. Go to the police directly. You find out the kid's name and address and file a formal complaint against him.... Then the kid's parents become involved. The parents may or may not discipline the kid, but at least they are sent a message that yer not taking any shit.....

If the kid does it again, chances are formal charges could be filed and the kid is definately in trouble.

Or you could go directly to the bully's parents and tell them that no BS you will file a report against the little POS if he does it again. The parents, unless they are morons, should respond and tell him to knock it off.

Either way it's pro active and better than doing nothing and waiting for the next attack.

Just a thought.

SD

 

[AWDisuzu]

my daughter got picked on by 6 boys last year at school. she was playing with her friend and these boys came up and started hassling them. well, to these boy's suprise, my daughter is a red belt in taekwondo and kicked the crap out of them. I got a call from the principals office that day too. She (the principal) thought it was pretty great that my daughter protected herself and her friends like that. I'm sure if I had boys, they would have gotten in trouble though.

I got picked on A LOT in school. so I just make sure my kids don't go through that shit (especially since IM a single dad). it really ruined my childhood :-(

the schools generally can tell the bullies from the kids that don't take shit from bullies. so hopefully your boy will just kick the bullies ass when needed and that's all :-D

anyway, kelly is 8 and a red belt. tiffy is 6 and a blue belt.

~Mike~

 

[TheSickness]

My own son has been bullied...I always taught him to turn the other cheek. Tell a teacher, Tell the lunch lady........whatever Just don't fight...Until this year when it became apparent that telling any of these people anything does not sink in.....Nor do they care much anymore..So I taught my son a few moves that I am sure will get me a call from the principal, once he unleashes the beast within I now have a prodigy :rock: Bullies understand 1 thing............The Israeli theory of retaliation When all else fails Fuck em up :rock:

 

[eddie102870]

hate to hear this happening to a child, ive always told my boys and my little girl not to start a fight but if they see its going to end up in one to make sure and get the first lick in and make it a good one. normally a bloody nose will end a fight pretty quick when they are that young.

 

[NBT]

Good morning to all,

This problem is all over the place. Kids grow up so fast nowadays...We have 12 yr old girls getting pregnant and 10 yr old boys committing rape.

SD

They just delivered an 11 year olds kid at the hospital a few months back....

That's right ELEVEN years old, fulll term pregnancy!

Kids having Kids.... unreal :banghead: uke:

 

[Blakewilder]

Put him on a cycle of Test and .....oh wait he's like 8 or somethin. (just kidding) Let him handle it......hell be ok. Let Silverback show him some UFC shit.

 

[greatone61]

Put hin on a cycle of Test and .....oh wait he's like 8 or somethin. (just kidding) Let him handle it......hell be ok. Let Silverback show him some UFC shit.

bwahahahaha!!!! Give him some GH while your at it!!!

On a serious note though, watch out man some of these kids with knives and guns are crazy, no tae kwan do is going to stop a bullet, just be careful.

 

[Azmotorhead]

Django I like that.
Silverbacks UFC shit (I thought it was Mikey that was the professional cage fighter)that would be too cool.

 

[Begood]

Its is Mikey, not Silverback.

Bill.