azpyroguy
Full Access Member
HOW TO DRIVE IN PHOENIX:
1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: "FEE-NICKS".
2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour is
from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning. There is
also a Saturday morning rush hour to get out of town and a Sunday evening rush hour to come back.
3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. On Loop 101, Your speed is expected to match the highway number. Anything less is considered "Wussy".
4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Phoenix has its own
version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler
go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second.
However, East Valley, SUV-driving, cell phone-talking, lipstick applicating
moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed
out, and possibly shot.
6. Never honk or look at anyone. Ever. Seriously. Unless you really want to
be shot.
7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Phoenix. Detour barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to trap the unwary and make the next day's driving more challenging.
8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, illegal aliens,
dogs, barrels, cones, cows, horses, cats, mattresses, shredded tires,
squirrels, rabbits, crows, vultures, javelinas, roadrunners, and the coyotes
feeding on any of these items. <---Especially here in "AJ"!
9. Maricopa Freeway, Papago Freeway and the "I-10" are the same road. SR202 is the same road as The Red Mountain FWY and the San Tan FWY. Dunlap and Olive are the same street too. Jefferson becomes Washington, but they are not the same street. I-17 is also called The Black Canyon Freeway as well as The Veterans Memorial Highway. And if all that isn't enough to remember SR 51 has recently been renamed to Piestewa Freeway because Squaw Peak Parkway was too easy pronounce. SR 101 is also the Pima FWY except west of I-17, which is also The Black Canyon FWY, and The Veterans Memorial HWY. Lastly, Thunderbird Rd. becomes Cactus Rd. but, Cactus Rd. doesn't become Thunderbird Rd. because it dead ends at a mountain. Country Club Rd is also Bee-line HWY.
10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, disregard it - they must
have "accidentally activated" it while talking on their cell phone or
re-loading their gun.
11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph zone, you
are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly. If you
return the flip, you'll be shot.
12. For summer driving, it is advisable to wear potholders on your hands, or asbestos driving gloves which you can buy in any AZ convenience stop.
13. Wait at least 5 seconds after a light turns green to give those running
a red light time enough to accelerate through the intersection.
14. Dual driving laws apply. To obtain the other set of rules, write the DMV in Chihauhua Mexico and ask them to send you a complimentary drivers manual. It is only one sentence: "There are no rules".
1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: "FEE-NICKS".
2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour is
from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning. There is
also a Saturday morning rush hour to get out of town and a Sunday evening rush hour to come back.
3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. On Loop 101, Your speed is expected to match the highway number. Anything less is considered "Wussy".
4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Phoenix has its own
version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler
go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second.
However, East Valley, SUV-driving, cell phone-talking, lipstick applicating
moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed
out, and possibly shot.
6. Never honk or look at anyone. Ever. Seriously. Unless you really want to
be shot.
7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Phoenix. Detour barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to trap the unwary and make the next day's driving more challenging.
8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, illegal aliens,
dogs, barrels, cones, cows, horses, cats, mattresses, shredded tires,
squirrels, rabbits, crows, vultures, javelinas, roadrunners, and the coyotes
feeding on any of these items. <---Especially here in "AJ"!
9. Maricopa Freeway, Papago Freeway and the "I-10" are the same road. SR202 is the same road as The Red Mountain FWY and the San Tan FWY. Dunlap and Olive are the same street too. Jefferson becomes Washington, but they are not the same street. I-17 is also called The Black Canyon Freeway as well as The Veterans Memorial Highway. And if all that isn't enough to remember SR 51 has recently been renamed to Piestewa Freeway because Squaw Peak Parkway was too easy pronounce. SR 101 is also the Pima FWY except west of I-17, which is also The Black Canyon FWY, and The Veterans Memorial HWY. Lastly, Thunderbird Rd. becomes Cactus Rd. but, Cactus Rd. doesn't become Thunderbird Rd. because it dead ends at a mountain. Country Club Rd is also Bee-line HWY.
10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, disregard it - they must
have "accidentally activated" it while talking on their cell phone or
re-loading their gun.
11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph zone, you
are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly. If you
return the flip, you'll be shot.
12. For summer driving, it is advisable to wear potholders on your hands, or asbestos driving gloves which you can buy in any AZ convenience stop.
13. Wait at least 5 seconds after a light turns green to give those running
a red light time enough to accelerate through the intersection.
14. Dual driving laws apply. To obtain the other set of rules, write the DMV in Chihauhua Mexico and ask them to send you a complimentary drivers manual. It is only one sentence: "There are no rules".
