Is we dat bad?

[JTS VENOM PERFORMANCE]

BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."

JAWJUH - noun. A highly flammable state just north of Florida.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck."

MUNTS - noun. A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I aint herd from him in munts."

IGNERT - adjective. Not smart. See "Auburn Alumni."
Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!"

RANCH - noun. A tool.
Usage: "I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh
bard a few munts ago."

ALL - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."

FAR - noun. A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh doesn't change the all in my pickup truck, that things
gonna catch far."

BAHS - noun. A supervisor.
Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is
gonna far you!"

TAR - noun. A rubber wheel.
Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh doesn't git a flat tar in my pickup
truck."

TIRE - noun. A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willing and the creeks don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in
Paris sometime."

HOT - noun. A blood-pumping organ.
HOD - adverb. Not easy.
Usage: "A broken hot is hod to fix."

RETARD - Verb. To stop working.
Usage: "My granpaw retard at age 65."

TARRED - adverb. Exhausted.
Usage: "I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred."

RATS - noun. Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: "We Southerners are willing to fight for out rats."

LOT - adjective. Luminescent.
Usage: "I dream of Jeanie in the lot-brown hair."

FARN - adjective. Not local.
Usage: "I cudnt unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn country."

DID - adjective. Not alive.
Usage: "He's did, Jim."

EAR - noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA).
Usage: "He can't breathe ... give 'em some ear!"

BOB WAR - noun. A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."

JU-HERE - a question.
Usage: "Juhere that former Dallas Cowboys' coach Jimmy Johnson recently toured the
University of Alabama?"

HAZE - a contraction.
Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah ... haze ignert."

SEED - verb, past tense.
VIEW - contraction: verb and pronoun.
Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City ... view?"

HEAVY DEW - phrase. A request for action.
Usage: "Kin I heavy dew me a favor?"

GUMMIT - Noun. An often-closed bureaucratic institution.
Usage: "Great ... ANOTHER gummit shutdown!

 

[JTS VENOM PERFORMANCE]

BACKUP - What you do when you run across a skunk in the woods
BAR CODE - Them's the fight'n rules down at the local tavern
BUG - The reason you give for calling in sick
BYTE - What your pit bull dun to cusin Jethro
CACHE - Needed when you run out of food stamps
CHIP - Pasture muffins that you try not to step in
TERMINAL - Time to call the undertaker
CRASH - When you go to Junior's party uninvited
DIGITAL - The art of counting on your fingers
DISKETTE - Female Disco dancer
FAX - What you lie about to the IRS
HACKER - Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking
HARDCOPY - Picture looked at when selecting tattoos
INTERNET - Where cafeteria workers put their hair
KEYBOARD - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere
MAC - Big Bubba's favorite fast food
MEGAHERTZ - How your head feels after 17 beers
MODEM - What ya did when the grass and weeds got too tall
MOUSE PAD - Where Mickey and Minnie live
NETWORK - Scoop'n up a big fish before it breaks the line
ONLINE - Where to stay when taking the sobriety test
ROM - Where the pope lives
SCREEN - Helps keep the skeeters off the porch
SERIAL PORT - A red wine you drink with breakfast
SUPERCONDUCTOR - Amtrak's Employee of the year
SCSI - What you call your week-old underwear

 

[JTS VENOM PERFORMANCE]

Things a Redneck Would Never Say...

"I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex"

Duct tape won't fix that.

Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.

Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.

We don't keep firearms in this house.

Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?

You can't feed that to the dog.

I thought Graceland was tacky.

No kids in the back of the pick-up, it's not safe.

Wrasslin's fake.

Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?

We're vegetarians.

Do you think my hair is too big?

I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.

Honey, do these bonsai trees need watering?

Who's Richard Petty?

Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

Deer heads detract from the decor.

Spitting is such a nasty habit.

I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.

Trim the fat off that steak.

Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.

The tires on that truck are too big.

I'll have the arugula and ridicchio salad.

I've got it all on a floppy disk.

Unsweetened tea tastes better.

Would you like you fish poached or broiled?

My fiancée, Paula Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.

I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.

Checkmate.

She's too old to be wearing a bikini.

Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?

Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.

I don't have a favorite college team.

Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.

I believe you cooked those green beans too long.

Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.

Elvis who?

 

[JTS VENOM PERFORMANCE]

Redneck Horoscope

OKRA
Dec 22 - Jan 20

Although you appear crude, you are actually very slick on the inside. Okra have
tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back over his life and see the seeds of
his influence everywhere. Stay away from Moon Pies!

CHITLIN
Jan 21 - Feb 19

Chitlins often come from humble backgrounds. Many times they're uncomfortable
talking about just where they came from. A chitlin, however, can make something of
himself if he's motivated and has plenty of seasoning. When it comes to dealing with
Chitlins, be very careful. Chitlins can burn and then erupt like Vesuvius, and this can make for a really terrible mess. Chitlins are best with Catfish and Okra. Remember that when marriage time rolls around.

BOLL WEEVIL
Feb 20- Mar 20

You have an overwhelming curiosity. You're unsatisfied with the surface of things,
and you feel the need to bore deep into the interior of everything. Needless to say,
you are very intense and driven as if you had some inner hunger. Nobody in their
right mind is going to marry you, so don't worry about it.

MOON PIE
Mar 21- April 20

You're the type that spends a lot of time on the front porch. It's a cinch to
recognize the physical appearance of Moon Pies. Big and round are the key words
here. You should marry anybody who you can get remotely interested in the idea. It's not going to be easy. This might be the year to think about aerobics. Maybe not.

POSSUM
APR 21 - May 21

When confronted with life's difficulties, possums have a marked tendency to
withdraw and develop a don't-bother-me-about-it attitude. Sometimes you become so withdrawn, people actually think you're dead. This strategy is probably not
psychologically healthy, but seems to work for you. One day, however, it won't work and you may find your problems actually running you over.

CRAWFISH
May 22 - June 21

Crawfish is a water sign. If you work in an office, you're always hanging around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the beach to the mountains, the pool to the golf
course, the bathtub to the living room. You tend to be not particularly attractive
physically, but you have very, very good heads.

COLLARDS
June 22- July 23

Collards have a genius for communication. They love to get in the "melting pot" of
life and share their essence with the essence of those around them. Collards make
good social workers, psychologists, and baseball managers. As far as your personal
life goes, if you are Collards, stay away from Moon Pies. It just won't work. Save
yourself a lot of heartache.

CATFISH
July 24 - Aug 23

Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the heart, although one: Whiskers may cause problems for loved ones. Your catfish are never easy people to understand. You prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear surface of life. Above all else, Catfish should stay away from Moon Pies.

GRITS
Aug 24 - Sept 23

Your highest aim is to be with others like yourself. You like to huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits. You love to travel, thought so maybe you should think about joining a club. Where do you like to go? Anywhere they have cheese or gravy or bacon or butter or eggs. If you can go somewhere where they have all these things, that serves you well.

BOILED PEANUTS
Sept 24 - Oct 23

You have a passionate desire to help your fellow man. Unfortunately, those who know you best -- your friends and loved ones-may find that your personality is much too salty, and their criticism will probably affect you deeply because you are really much softer than you appear. You should go right ahead and marry anybody you want to because in a certain way, yours is a charmed life. On the road of life, you can be sure that people will always pull over and stop for you.

BUTTER BEAN
October 24 - Nov 22

Always invite a Butter Bean because Butter Beans get along well with everybody.
You, as a Butter Bean, should be proud. You've grown on the vine of life and you feel at home no matter what the setting. You can sit next to anybody. However, you too, shouldn't have anything to do with Moon Pies.

ARMADILLO
Nov 23 - Dec 21

You have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but you are actually quite gentle. A good evening for you? Old friends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms and insects. You are a throwback. You're not concerned with today's fashions and trends. You're not concerned with anything about today. You're really almost prehistoric in your interests and behavior patterns. You probably want to marry another Armadillo, but Possum is another somewhat kinky, mating possibility.

 

[JTS VENOM PERFORMANCE]

Redneck Medical Terms
A pubic hair is a type of wild rabbit.
Asphalt describes rectal problems.
A condom is a large apartment.
Douche is the French word for "twelve.
Genitals are people of non-Jewish descent.
A diaphragm is a drawing in Geometry.
Fetus is a character on Gunsmoke.
An erection is when Japanese people vote.
A dildo is a variety of the sweet pickle.
An umbilical chord is part of a parachute.
Spread Eagle is an extinct bird.
A menstrual cycle has three wheels.
The clitoris is a type of flower.
Testacles are found on an octopus.
Kotex is a radio station in Cincinatti.
Masturbate is used to catch large fish.
Benign........What you be after you be eight.
Artery...... The study of paintings.
Bacteria.....Back door to cafeteria.
Barium........What doctors do when patients die.
Cesarean Section....A neighborhood in Rome.
CATscan....................Searching for kitty.
Cauterize..................Made eye contact with her.
Colic.......................... A sheep dog.
Coma...........................A punctuation mark.
D & C..........................Where Washington is.
Dilate......................... To live long.
Enema..........................Not a friend.
Fester.........................Quicker than someone else.
Fibula..........................A small lie.
Genital.........................Non-Jewish person.
G.I. Series..................World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail......................What you hang your coat on.
Impotent.....................Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain...................Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff............A Doctor's cane.
Morbid........................A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates.......................Cheaper than day rates.
Node.............................I knew it.
Outpatient..................A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear...................A fatherhood test.
Pelvis............................Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative...........A letter carrier.
Recovery Room...........Place to do upholstery.
Rectum..........................Damn near killed him.
Secretion......................Hiding something.
Seizure..........................Roman emperor.
Tablet............................A small table.
Terminal Illness...........Getting sick at the airport.
Tumor.............................More than one.
Urine..............................Opposite of you're out.
Varicose.........................Near by/close by.

 

[JTS VENOM PERFORMANCE]

nuff said?

 

[ZCx]

LMAO:rock: :congrats: :congrats: :rock:

love the ridin lawn mower:burnout: :burnout: :burnout: :rock:

 

[Black1]

Imma Butter Bean? :dontknow:

HOT - noun. A blood-pumping organ.
HOD - adverb. Not easy.
Usage: "A broken hot is hod to fix."

^^^^^Shouldn't that be in the BOSTON dictionary?

 

[MikeNice]

Thanks for the thread Stink!:congrats:
Now I can understand :dontknow: what is being said down here. LOL

 

[viperhauler]

now everything i talked to him about yesterday makes PERFECT sense...

so...i'm grits....and i hate grits...i eat cream of wheat...but i do like to hang out....

wrasslin ain't real hahaha

 

[andrew heywood]

Ya reel funy aintcha

 

[viperhauler]

Ya reel funy aintcha

now, that's "old", right??:dontknow:

 

[andrew heywood]

now, that's "old", right??:dontknow: