Priceless

TCA

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Birmingham, AL
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after a night at a business function. He forces himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table.
And, next to them, a single red rose!
Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror and notices a note on the table:
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping - Love you!!" He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the table, eating.
Jack asks," Son...what happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 am, drunk and out of your mind. You broke the coffee table, puked in the hallway and got that black eye when you ran into the door." "So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose and
breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Oh, THAT - Mom dragged you to the bedroom and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, bitch, I'm
married!!!".
Broken table - $250
Hot breakfast - $7
Red Rose - $3
Two aspirins - $0.25
Saying the right thing, at the right time... Priceless
 
Guess I wouldn't have asprin, a rose, and breadfast waiting for me...:p :D



Stretch
 
A man went to the doctor's office to get a double dose of
viagra. The doctor told him that he couldn't allow him a double dose.
"Why not?" asked the man.
Because it's not safe," replied the doctor.
"But I need it really bad," said the man.
"Well, why do you need it so badly?" asked the doctor.
The man said, "My girlfriend is coming into town on Friday; my
ex-wife will be here on Saturday; and my wife is coming home on
Sunday. Can't you see? I must have a double dose."
The doctor finally relented saying, "Okay, I'll give it to you,
but you have to come in on Monday morning so that I can check you to see if there are any side effects."
On Monday, the man dragged himself in; his right arm in a
sling.
The doctor asked, "What happened to you?"
The man said, "No one showed up".
 
Two old Italian men are talking about a mutual friend who is always unkempt and sloppily dressed......

One man sez to the other, "He looked like a street person. So I told him, You look like a bum. Take my advice, go downtown.... go to Cox's and buy yourself a nice Searsucker suit......".

..." So what happened....?" the other man asks......

"The idiot went to Sears"

SD
 

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