Texas Yellow Fever
Full Access Member
I think we've seen this before, but I thought it was funny...
1. Under no circumstances may two men share an
umbrella.
2. It is OK for a man to cry, but ONLY under the following
circumstances:
a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master
b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse
c) After wrecking your boss' car
d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game"
e) When she is using her teeth
3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be
legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail
a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5. If you've know a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off
limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is
forbidden; however complain at will if the temperature is
unsuitable.
7. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for
another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's
birthday is strictly optional; at that point you must celebrate
at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops,
not the weakest.
9. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event,
you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may
never ask who is playing.
10. You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have
brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers
for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she is officially
your girlfriend.
11. It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when
you're sunning on a tropical beach and it is delivered by a
topless model, and then only if it's free.
12. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you
ever allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
13. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos = EVER = issue
closed.
15. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see
anything.
16. Women who claim the "love to watch sports" must be
treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of
the game and the ability to drink as much as the other
sports watchers.
17. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed
woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice
of pizza, but not both......that's just greedy.
19. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be
talking about his choice of beer.
20. Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend
of yours, except when she is withholding sex pending
your response.
21. Phrases that may never be uttered to another man while
lifting weights:
a) Yeah, Baby, Push It !
b) C'mon, give me one more ! Harder !
c) Another set and we can hit the showers !
22. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on
equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line,
etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible
nod is all the conversation you need.
23. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to
go on longer than you are able to have sex with her.
Keep a stopwatch by the phone and hang up if necessary.
24. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just
a friend" have had carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact
that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you
not to nail each other again before the discussion about
what a big mistake it was occurs.
25. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable
for her to drive yours.
26. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime
green, orange, or sky blue.
27. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want
for Christmas ?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what
I want !" gets an XBox. End of story.
28. There is no reason for guys to watch ice skating or men's
gymnastics - - EVER !!
Now go scratch yourself in public.
1. Under no circumstances may two men share an
umbrella.
2. It is OK for a man to cry, but ONLY under the following
circumstances:
a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master
b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse
c) After wrecking your boss' car
d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game"
e) When she is using her teeth
3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be
legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail
a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5. If you've know a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off
limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is
forbidden; however complain at will if the temperature is
unsuitable.
7. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for
another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's
birthday is strictly optional; at that point you must celebrate
at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops,
not the weakest.
9. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event,
you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may
never ask who is playing.
10. You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have
brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers
for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she is officially
your girlfriend.
11. It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when
you're sunning on a tropical beach and it is delivered by a
topless model, and then only if it's free.
12. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you
ever allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
13. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos = EVER = issue
closed.
15. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see
anything.
16. Women who claim the "love to watch sports" must be
treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of
the game and the ability to drink as much as the other
sports watchers.
17. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed
woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice
of pizza, but not both......that's just greedy.
19. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be
talking about his choice of beer.
20. Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend
of yours, except when she is withholding sex pending
your response.
21. Phrases that may never be uttered to another man while
lifting weights:
a) Yeah, Baby, Push It !
b) C'mon, give me one more ! Harder !
c) Another set and we can hit the showers !
22. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on
equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line,
etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible
nod is all the conversation you need.
23. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to
go on longer than you are able to have sex with her.
Keep a stopwatch by the phone and hang up if necessary.
24. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just
a friend" have had carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact
that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you
not to nail each other again before the discussion about
what a big mistake it was occurs.
25. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable
for her to drive yours.
26. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime
green, orange, or sky blue.
27. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want
for Christmas ?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what
I want !" gets an XBox. End of story.
28. There is no reason for guys to watch ice skating or men's
gymnastics - - EVER !!
Now go scratch yourself in public.
