> 1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach,
> you are a queer. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer
> with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups,
> aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet...You Nancy-pants bone smoker.
>
> 2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is
> like a dog, but queer-- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches
> itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and
> whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog.. 'Killer,
> come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!' Now think about
> how you call a cat...'Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!' Jeeezus,
> you're fit to be framed, you're so queer.
>
> 3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or
> any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man
> only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts,
> pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are a Homo in training
> and undeniably a fag.
>
> 4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or
> piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A
> man's world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he
> pleases.
>
> 5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee,
> you're as queer as a $3 bill. A straight man will never be heard ordering a
> 'Decaf Soy Latte'. If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your
> lips, you've had a man there, too.
>
> 6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colors
> or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie,
> you might as well be handing out free ass p asses. A real man doesn't
> have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can
> pick out chartreuse or you know what a 'fressier' is
> you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of
> textile other than cotton or denim, you are faggadocious.
>
> 7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it,
> you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the
> wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the jerk off The rest
> of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a
> hamburger, or hold his beer.
8. If you’re an Obama supporter you’ve got more issues than just being
> a closet queen, fancy pants, skin flute player. It’s obvious that you not only
> support the Obama Rainbow Coalition but look forward to having his new tax
> code shoved up your ass over and over again.
9. If you do not send this off to all the males on your
> email list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you
> are definitely on the verge on being a fudgepacker.
> OH YEAH.............. IF THIS EMAIL OFFENDS YOU........
> YOURE A FAG
PSYOP SME, USAJFKSWCS
> you are a queer. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer
> with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups,
> aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet...You Nancy-pants bone smoker.
>
> 2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is
> like a dog, but queer-- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches
> itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and
> whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog.. 'Killer,
> come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!' Now think about
> how you call a cat...'Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!' Jeeezus,
> you're fit to be framed, you're so queer.
>
> 3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or
> any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man
> only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts,
> pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are a Homo in training
> and undeniably a fag.
>
> 4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or
> piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A
> man's world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he
> pleases.
>
> 5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee,
> you're as queer as a $3 bill. A straight man will never be heard ordering a
> 'Decaf Soy Latte'. If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your
> lips, you've had a man there, too.
>
> 6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colors
> or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie,
> you might as well be handing out free ass p asses. A real man doesn't
> have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can
> pick out chartreuse or you know what a 'fressier' is
> you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of
> textile other than cotton or denim, you are faggadocious.
>
> 7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it,
> you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the
> wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the jerk off The rest
> of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a
> hamburger, or hold his beer.
8. If you’re an Obama supporter you’ve got more issues than just being
> a closet queen, fancy pants, skin flute player. It’s obvious that you not only
> support the Obama Rainbow Coalition but look forward to having his new tax
> code shoved up your ass over and over again.
9. If you do not send this off to all the males on your
> email list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you
> are definitely on the verge on being a fudgepacker.
> OH YEAH.............. IF THIS EMAIL OFFENDS YOU........
> YOURE A FAG
PSYOP SME, USAJFKSWCS
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