Texas Yellow Fever
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A RUSSIAN AND A REDNECK WRESTLER WERE SET TO SQUARE OFF FOR THE OLYMPIC
GOLD MEDAL. BEFORE THE FINAL MATCH, THE REDNECK WRESTLER'S TRAINER CAME
TO HIM AND SAID, "NOW, DON'T FORGET ALL THE RESEARCH WE'VE DONE ON THIS
RUSSIAN.
HE'S NEVER LOST A MATCH BECAUSE OF THIS 'PRETZEL' HOLD HE
HAS. WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT LET HIM GET YOU IN THAT HOLD!
IF HE DOES, YOU'RE FINISHED." THE REDNECK NODDED IN ACKNOWLEDGMENT.
AS THE MATCH STARTED, THE REDNECK AND THE RUSSIAN CIRCLED EACH OTHER
SEVERAL TIMES, LOOKING FOR AN OPENING.
ALL OF A SUDDEN, THE RUSSIAN LUNGED FORWARD, GRABBING THE REDNECK AND
WRAPPING HIM UP IN THE DREADED PRETZEL HOLD. A SIGH OF DISAPPOINTMENT
AROSE FROM THE CROWD AND THE TRAINER BURIED HIS FACE IN HIS HANDS, FOR
HE KNEW ALL WAS LOST. HE COULDN'T WATCH THE INEVITABLE HAPPEN.
SUDDENLY, THERE WAS A SCREAM, THEN A CHEER FROM THE CROWD AND THE
TRAINER R AISED HIS EYES JUST IN TIME TO WATCH THE RUSSIAN GO FLYING UP
IN THE AIR. HIS BACK HIT THE MAT WITH A THUD AND THE REDNECK COLLAPSED
ON TOP OF HIM MAKING THE PIN AND WINNING THE MATCH.
THE TRAINER WAS ASTOUNDED. WHEN HE FINALLY GOT HIS
WRESTLER ALONE, HE ASKED, "HOW DID YOU EVER GET OUT OF
THAT HOLD? NO ONE HAS EVER DONE IT BEFORE!"
THE WRESTLER ANSWERED "WELL, I WAS READY TO GIVE UP WHEN HE GOT ME IN
THAT HOLD BUT AT THE LAST MOMENT, I OPENED MY EYES AND SAW THIS PAIR OF
TESTICLES RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE. I HAD NOTHING TO LOSE SO WITH MY
LAST OUNCE OF STRENGTH I STRETCHED OUT MY NECK AND BIT THOSE BABIES JUST
AS HARD AS I COULD."
SO THE TRAINER EXCLAIMED, "THAT'S WHAT FINISHED HIM OFF!"
"NOT REALLY. YOU'D BE AMAZED HOW STRONG YOU GET WHEN YOU BITE YOUR OWN
NUTS."
GOLD MEDAL. BEFORE THE FINAL MATCH, THE REDNECK WRESTLER'S TRAINER CAME
TO HIM AND SAID, "NOW, DON'T FORGET ALL THE RESEARCH WE'VE DONE ON THIS
RUSSIAN.
HE'S NEVER LOST A MATCH BECAUSE OF THIS 'PRETZEL' HOLD HE
HAS. WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT LET HIM GET YOU IN THAT HOLD!
IF HE DOES, YOU'RE FINISHED." THE REDNECK NODDED IN ACKNOWLEDGMENT.
AS THE MATCH STARTED, THE REDNECK AND THE RUSSIAN CIRCLED EACH OTHER
SEVERAL TIMES, LOOKING FOR AN OPENING.
ALL OF A SUDDEN, THE RUSSIAN LUNGED FORWARD, GRABBING THE REDNECK AND
WRAPPING HIM UP IN THE DREADED PRETZEL HOLD. A SIGH OF DISAPPOINTMENT
AROSE FROM THE CROWD AND THE TRAINER BURIED HIS FACE IN HIS HANDS, FOR
HE KNEW ALL WAS LOST. HE COULDN'T WATCH THE INEVITABLE HAPPEN.
SUDDENLY, THERE WAS A SCREAM, THEN A CHEER FROM THE CROWD AND THE
TRAINER R AISED HIS EYES JUST IN TIME TO WATCH THE RUSSIAN GO FLYING UP
IN THE AIR. HIS BACK HIT THE MAT WITH A THUD AND THE REDNECK COLLAPSED
ON TOP OF HIM MAKING THE PIN AND WINNING THE MATCH.
THE TRAINER WAS ASTOUNDED. WHEN HE FINALLY GOT HIS
WRESTLER ALONE, HE ASKED, "HOW DID YOU EVER GET OUT OF
THAT HOLD? NO ONE HAS EVER DONE IT BEFORE!"
THE WRESTLER ANSWERED "WELL, I WAS READY TO GIVE UP WHEN HE GOT ME IN
THAT HOLD BUT AT THE LAST MOMENT, I OPENED MY EYES AND SAW THIS PAIR OF
TESTICLES RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE. I HAD NOTHING TO LOSE SO WITH MY
LAST OUNCE OF STRENGTH I STRETCHED OUT MY NECK AND BIT THOSE BABIES JUST
AS HARD AS I COULD."
SO THE TRAINER EXCLAIMED, "THAT'S WHAT FINISHED HIM OFF!"
"NOT REALLY. YOU'D BE AMAZED HOW STRONG YOU GET WHEN YOU BITE YOUR OWN
NUTS."
