*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
This was actually taken from a passport application and a
*member of staff copied it, as it made her laugh all day.
*
*
*Dear Minister,
*I'm in the process of renewing my passport but I am a
*total loss to understand or believe the hoops I am being asked to jump
*through.
*
*How is it that Bert Smith of T.V. Rentals Basingstoke has
*my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a satellite
*dish from them back in 1994, and yet, the Government is still asking
*me where I was born and on what date?
*
*How come that nice West African immigrant chappy who comes
*round every Thursday night with his DVD rentals van can tell me every
*film or video I have had out since he started his business up eleven
*years ago, yet you still want me to remind you of my last three jobs,
*two of which were with contractors working for the government?
*
*How come the T.V. detector van can tell if my T.V. is on,
*what channel I am watching and whether I have paid my licence or not,
*and yet if I win the government run lottery they have no idea I have
*won or where I am and will keep the bloody money to themselves if I
*fail to claim in good time.
*Do you people do this by hand?
*
*You have my birth date on numerous files you hold on me,
*including the one with all the income tax forms I've filed for the
*past 30-odd years. It's on my health insurance card, my driver's
*licence, on the last four passports I've had, on all those stupid
*customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed
*off the planes and boats over the last 30 years, and all those
*insufferable census forms that are done every ten years and the
*electoral registration forms I have to complete, by law, every time
*our lords and masters are up for re-election.
*
*Would somebody please take note, once and for all, I was
*born in Maidenhead on the xth of xxxx 19xx, my mother's name is Mary,
*her maiden name was Reynolds, my father's name is Robert, and I'd be
*absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and the day I
*die!
*
*I apologise Minister. I'm obviously not myself this
*morning. But between you and me, I have simply had enough! You mail
*the application to my house, then you ask me for my address. What is
*going on? Do you have a gang of Neanderthals working there? Look at my
*damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to activate the
*Fifth Reich for God's sake! I just want to go and park my weary
*backside on a sunny, sandy beach for a couple of week's well-earned
*rest away from all this crap.
*
*Well, I have to go now, because I have to go to back to
*Salisbury and get another copy of my birth certificate because you
*lost the last one. AND to the tune of 60 quid! What a racket THAT is!!
*Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot
*to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day? But nooooo,
*that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather have us
*running all over the place like chickens with our heads cut off, then
*find some tosser to confirm that it's really me on the goddamn picture
*- you know... the one where we're not allowed to smile in case we look
*as if we are enjoying the process!
*Hey, you know why we can't smile? 'Cause we're totally jacked off!
*
*I served in the armed forces for more than 25 years
*including over ten years at the Ministry of Defence in London. I have
*had security clearances which allowed me to sit in the Cabinet Office,
*five seats away from the Prime Minister while he was being briefed on
*the first Gulf War and I have been doing volunteer work for the
*British Red Cross ever since I left the Services. However, I have to
*get someone 'important' to verify who I am -- you know, someone like
*my doctor . . . who, before he got his medical degree 6 months ago
*
*
*
*WAS LIVING IN PAKISTAN !!
*
*Yours sincerely,
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
This was actually taken from a passport application and a
*member of staff copied it, as it made her laugh all day.
*
*
*Dear Minister,
*I'm in the process of renewing my passport but I am a
*total loss to understand or believe the hoops I am being asked to jump
*through.
*
*How is it that Bert Smith of T.V. Rentals Basingstoke has
*my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a satellite
*dish from them back in 1994, and yet, the Government is still asking
*me where I was born and on what date?
*
*How come that nice West African immigrant chappy who comes
*round every Thursday night with his DVD rentals van can tell me every
*film or video I have had out since he started his business up eleven
*years ago, yet you still want me to remind you of my last three jobs,
*two of which were with contractors working for the government?
*
*How come the T.V. detector van can tell if my T.V. is on,
*what channel I am watching and whether I have paid my licence or not,
*and yet if I win the government run lottery they have no idea I have
*won or where I am and will keep the bloody money to themselves if I
*fail to claim in good time.
*Do you people do this by hand?
*
*You have my birth date on numerous files you hold on me,
*including the one with all the income tax forms I've filed for the
*past 30-odd years. It's on my health insurance card, my driver's
*licence, on the last four passports I've had, on all those stupid
*customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed
*off the planes and boats over the last 30 years, and all those
*insufferable census forms that are done every ten years and the
*electoral registration forms I have to complete, by law, every time
*our lords and masters are up for re-election.
*
*Would somebody please take note, once and for all, I was
*born in Maidenhead on the xth of xxxx 19xx, my mother's name is Mary,
*her maiden name was Reynolds, my father's name is Robert, and I'd be
*absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and the day I
*die!
*
*I apologise Minister. I'm obviously not myself this
*morning. But between you and me, I have simply had enough! You mail
*the application to my house, then you ask me for my address. What is
*going on? Do you have a gang of Neanderthals working there? Look at my
*damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to activate the
*Fifth Reich for God's sake! I just want to go and park my weary
*backside on a sunny, sandy beach for a couple of week's well-earned
*rest away from all this crap.
*
*Well, I have to go now, because I have to go to back to
*Salisbury and get another copy of my birth certificate because you
*lost the last one. AND to the tune of 60 quid! What a racket THAT is!!
*Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot
*to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day? But nooooo,
*that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather have us
*running all over the place like chickens with our heads cut off, then
*find some tosser to confirm that it's really me on the goddamn picture
*- you know... the one where we're not allowed to smile in case we look
*as if we are enjoying the process!
*Hey, you know why we can't smile? 'Cause we're totally jacked off!
*
*I served in the armed forces for more than 25 years
*including over ten years at the Ministry of Defence in London. I have
*had security clearances which allowed me to sit in the Cabinet Office,
*five seats away from the Prime Minister while he was being briefed on
*the first Gulf War and I have been doing volunteer work for the
*British Red Cross ever since I left the Services. However, I have to
*get someone 'important' to verify who I am -- you know, someone like
*my doctor . . . who, before he got his medical degree 6 months ago
*
*
*
*WAS LIVING IN PAKISTAN !!
*
*Yours sincerely,
*
