Wanted to take a moment and ask for your thoughts

Demon 8

Demon 8

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As many of you know, I moved my family from Florida over a year ago to NY to care for my grandmother. She fell and broke her hip the same day my new baby was born and she has had multiple complications since. I havent worked this week and have been with her as much as possible as they are now just keeping her comfortable. I have said my goodbyes a 1000 times but she keeps holding on. I know her time is very limited and my emotions are all over the place wishing for her peace but also realizing she is the last of my immediate family asside from my wife and kids. I have been struggling a great deal with trying to be with gram and trying to help my wife with a 6 year old and a very colllicy 7 week old.
Please keep us in your thoughts and I will update when I can.
James
 
take it one minute at a time. you have alot on your plate, and your attitude will dictate how everyone else reacts. be the leader and continue to be strong, i will pray for your family and your situation and for you guys to remail strong.
 
If you get a chance, go rent the movie "Role Models". Being a KISS fan, you'll appreciate it.

You will get through this time. It is said that we are given what we can handle.

Take some time for yourself and don't feel selfish about it.
 
These are difficult times for you and your family, so our thoughts and prayers are with you all.

Here are my thoughts on this subject. You may, or may not agree, but this is how I live my life.

When I got married, my wife, and then when my daughter was born, they became the most important people in my life. That means they come first before the rest of my family. As the old question goes, if you could only rescue one person in your family, who would it be? Well I know what that answer is for me.

Your wife and children are going to be around for many, many years, god willing. Your grandmother is close to the end of her life. So the decisions you make now really need to be a family decision. If you ignore your family to be with your grandmother, they may resent it, and then you have to live with that resentment. Then on the other hand, if you ignore your grandmother, this may weigh heavily on you in the future. Sounds like a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation doesn't it?

No one here can really tell you one way or the other as to be with your family or your grandmother. What I would suggest is to have a quiet discussion with your wife and let her know the dillema that you feel you are in. That discussion may provide you with the answer you need. In fact, I'm sure it will.

Best of luck to you.
 
Thoughts and prayers to you. hopefully things will get better
 
Thanks all
Another long day at the hospital and although she is unresponsive she is still with us. We unfortunetly have decided to pass on Thanksgiving as I wouldnt feel right cooking all day and eating while she lay in bed. Going to eat and head back up
 
Silverback said:
These are difficult times for you and your family, so our thoughts and prayers are with you all.

Here are my thoughts on this subject. You may, or may not agree, but this is how I live my life.

When I got married, my wife, and then when my daughter was born, they became the most important people in my life. That means they come first before the rest of my family. As the old question goes, if you could only rescue one person in your family, who would it be? Well I know what that answer is for me.

Your wife and children are going to be around for many, many years, god willing. Your grandmother is close to the end of her life. So the decisions you make now really need to be a family decision. If you ignore your family to be with your grandmother, they may resent it, and then you have to live with that resentment. Then on the other hand, if you ignore your grandmother, this may weigh heavily on you in the future. Sounds like a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation doesn't it?

No one here can really tell you one way or the other as to be with your family or your grandmother. What I would suggest is to have a quiet discussion with your wife and let her know the dillema that you feel you are in. That discussion may provide you with the answer you need. In fact, I'm sure it will.

Best of luck to you.
Click to expand...

Your not kidding damned either way. I feel incredible guilt whether I am taking a breather at home or sitting with her in the hospital. I have decided that at night I leave by 8 and tell her I love her, last night being the exception because her breathing slowed and I thought for sure her time was drawing near. She now takes a breath about every 10 seconds and is on morphine and antivan...well antivan when I ask for it to relieve anxiety...wish I could have some.

Kind of shocking the number of views to comments on this thread, not quite sure why I thought it was important to share the news
 
My wife is going through the same sort of thing..Her mother broke her hip about 2 weeks ago, and there are many complications besides the hip..The hip was fixed, but her mother is severely anemic, and wont eat very much. She laso has severe dementia. Right now she is in rehab for the hip and is due to come home next week, provided they release her. My wife is struggling how to handle the situation when she returns home. We can provide care for her up to a point, and with outside help the situation will be at best, difficult. From my perspective, I try to support my wife, point her in the right direction when she needs it, and try to ease the load alittle for her by doing things she normally does around the house. We get through the days as best we can, and are certain that all will work out in the end.
We have discussed things openly and honestly with each other, and Dianne knows where I stand and what she can expect from me. While many things concerning her mother are up in the air, she knows that no matter what happens, I am here for her, although I wont be much help in caring for her mother, Between work, and school, plus trying to make up for her lost wages from cutting hours to be with her mother, I have little time to be a caregiver as well. While this may seem selfish on my part, it isnt. It is out of necessity that I work as many hours as I can, as the loss of her income makes a rather tenuous situation worse. We could both take care of her mother and make things work, but financially we would be sunk. The situation is just bad for everyone involved..
Hope this helps..talk to your wife and see how she responds..communication is key here..
 
Riff62 said:
My wife is going through the same sort of thing..Her mother broke her hip about 2 weeks ago, and there are many complications besides the hip..The hip was fixed, but her mother is severely anemic, and wont eat very much. She laso has severe dementia. Right now she is in rehab for the hip and is due to come home next week, provided they release her. My wife is struggling how to handle the situation when she returns home. We can provide care for her up to a point, and with outside help the situation will be at best, difficult. From my perspective, I try to support my wife, point her in the right direction when she needs it, and try to ease the load alittle for her by doing things she normally does around the house. We get through the days as best we can, and are certain that all will work out in the end.
We have discussed things openly and honestly with each other, and Dianne knows where I stand and what she can expect from me. While many things concerning her mother are up in the air, she knows that no matter what happens, I am here for her, although I wont be much help in caring for her mother, Between work, and school, plus trying to make up for her lost wages from cutting hours to be with her mother, I have little time to be a caregiver as well. While this may seem selfish on my part, it isnt. It is out of necessity that I work as many hours as I can, as the loss of her income makes a rather tenuous situation worse. We could both take care of her mother and make things work, but financially we would be sunk. The situation is just bad for everyone involved..
Hope this helps..talk to your wife and see how she responds..communication is key here..
Click to expand...

Thanks for your thoughts and I feel for your situation as well.
My wife and I are fine...fully supportive of whatever I feel I need to do. She just got back from seeing my gram and I have decided to stay home with the family for the rest of the night. My struggle is internal feeling bad about leaving her alone, I dont get any pressure from my wife at all.

On a different note is your mother in law eligible for physical therapy. My grandmother was suffering from dementia and I fought for her to get rehab paid for using medicare. If she is just recovering and you dont feel she will be able to walk well enough to help herself, fight the system. Under medicare she should able to have rehab up to 100 days with supplemental insurance...just a thought
 
shes actually in rehab right now..the next step is either home, back to the hospital, or an extended care facility,(nursing home)..My wife and her sister are against the nursing home as the have both worked in them and know what the care is like..so that doenst leave alot of options..
 
Silverback said:
These are difficult times for you and your family, so our thoughts and prayers are with you all.

Here are my thoughts on this subject. You may, or may not agree, but this is how I live my life.

When I got married, my wife, and then when my daughter was born, they became the most important people in my life. That means they come first before the rest of my family. As the old question goes, if you could only rescue one person in your family, who would it be? Well I know what that answer is for me.

Your wife and children are going to be around for many, many years, god willing. Your grandmother is close to the end of her life. So the decisions you make now really need to be a family decision. If you ignore your family to be with your grandmother, they may resent it, and then you have to live with that resentment. Then on the other hand, if you ignore your grandmother, this may weigh heavily on you in the future. Sounds like a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation doesn't it?

No one here can really tell you one way or the other as to be with your family or your grandmother. What I would suggest is to have a quiet discussion with your wife and let her know the dillema that you feel you are in. That discussion may provide you with the answer you need. In fact, I'm sure it will.

Best of luck to you.
Click to expand...

Sound advice, if you ask me......

Honest communication with your immediate family is so important.....

It's a tough time....... Express and demonstrate your love to your gran as much as you can..... She's on a journey that (someday) we must all make alone...

Love never fails........

D
 
Demon 8 said:
Kind of shocking the number of views to comments on this thread, not quite sure why I thought it was important to share the news
Click to expand...
james....don't take it to heart....sometimes people just can't find the words to say...or assume what they might say, has already been said...

assume that everyone who's viewed has said a silent prayer for you and your family...;)

holler at me if i can do anything....
 
James, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Going through some tough times with my grandfather...it sounds horrible to say out loud, but I hope he goes home to God soon.
 
Got a call that Gram is at rest as of 630 Thanksgiving morning.
Thanks Dan
Hope your right but I am leaning towards its time for me to move on
 
Demon 8 said:
Got a call that Gram is at rest as of 630 Thanksgiving morning.
Thanks Dan
Hope your right but I am leaning towards its time for me to move on
Click to expand...

RIP Gram.

Move on?:dontknow: Remember that at any time there is approximately a 50/50 split of members and guests reviewing the site. Since a guest still is recorded as a "View", but they cannot reply, so it looks like there is little response.

Secondly this type of subject is difficult for some to respond to. They just do not know what to say, or feel that if they say something it will be taken wrong, so they just move on. I believe this is more true of younger members. I know when I was younger I probably would have not replied due to the reasons I mentioned.

And the third reason is that there will always be "Turd Lickers". Those are members that just read and almost never post, so do not take it personal.

Take a break if you feel you need to, but remember we are a family here and help each other out in times like this.

So today when you sit down for your holiday dinner, say a prayer for Gram, and give thanks to her for how she helped shape your life, as I'm sure she did. Remember the good times.

Take care.
 
Silverback said:
RIP Gram.

Move on?:dontknow: Remember that at any time there is approximately a 50/50 split of members and guests reviewing the site. Since a guest still is recorded as a "View", but they cannot reply, so it looks like there is little response.

Secondly this type of subject is difficult for some to respond to. They just do not know what to say, or feel that if they say something it will be taken wrong, so they just move on. I believe this is more true of younger members. I know when I was younger I probably would have not replied due to the reasons I mentioned.

And the third reason is that there will always be "Turd Lickers". Those are members that just read and almost never post, so do not take it personal.

Take a break if you feel you need to, but remember we are a family here and help each other out in times like this.

So today when you sit down for your holiday dinner, say a prayer for Gram, and give thanks to her for how she helped shape your life, as I'm sure she did. Remember the good times.

Take care.
Click to expand...

My thoughts exactly, your comments are appreciated. My timing probably sucks to. Enjoy the Holiday
 
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