I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.
A man answered, saying, “Hello.â€
I politely said, “This is Jason Braemore. Could I please speak with Rachel Carter?â€
Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me - I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.
I tracked down Rachel's correct number and called her - I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again…
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, “You're a scumbag!†and hung up.
I wrote his number down with the word 'scumbag' next to it, and put it on my speed dial. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, “You're a scumbag!†It always cheered me up!
When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'scumbag' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, “Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with the Caller ID program?â€
He yelled, “NO!†and slammed the phone down.
I quickly called him back and said, “That's because you're a scumbag!â€
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a “For Sale†sign in his car window… so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first scumbag, I thought I had better call the BMW scumbag too.
I said, “Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?â€
“Yes, it is.â€
“Can you tell me where I can see it?â€
“Yes, I live at 1969 West 35th Street. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front.â€
“What's your name?†I asked.
“My name is Don Hanson,†he said.
“When's a good time to catch you, Don?â€
“I'm home every evening after five.â€
“Listen, Don, can I tell you something?â€
“Yes?â€
“Don, you're a scumbag.â€
Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial. Now, when I had a problem, I had two scumbags to call…
But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. So, I came up with an idea. I called Scumbag #1…
“Hello.â€
“You're a scumbag!†(But I didn't hang up…)
“Are you still there?†he asked.
“Yeah,†I said.
“Stop calling me,†he screamed.
“Make me,†I said.
“Who are you?†he asked.
“My name is Don Hanson.â€
“Yeah? Where do you live?â€
“Scumbag, I live at 1969 West 35th Street, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front.â€
He said, “I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.â€
I said, “Yeah, like I'm really scared, scumbag.â€
Then I called Scumbag #2.
“Hello?†he said.
“Hello, scumbag,†I said.
He yelled, “If I ever find out who you are, I'll…â€
“You'll what?†I said.
“I'll kick your ass,†he exclaimed.
I answered, “Well, scumbag, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now.â€
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1969 West 35th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.
Then I called CKVU Channel 13 News about the gang war going down on West 35th Street.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to 35th Street.
There I saw two scumbags beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, and news crew.
Now I feel a lot better…
A man answered, saying, “Hello.â€
I politely said, “This is Jason Braemore. Could I please speak with Rachel Carter?â€
Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me - I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.
I tracked down Rachel's correct number and called her - I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again…
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, “You're a scumbag!†and hung up.
I wrote his number down with the word 'scumbag' next to it, and put it on my speed dial. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, “You're a scumbag!†It always cheered me up!
When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'scumbag' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, “Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with the Caller ID program?â€
He yelled, “NO!†and slammed the phone down.
I quickly called him back and said, “That's because you're a scumbag!â€
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a “For Sale†sign in his car window… so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first scumbag, I thought I had better call the BMW scumbag too.
I said, “Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?â€
“Yes, it is.â€
“Can you tell me where I can see it?â€
“Yes, I live at 1969 West 35th Street. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front.â€
“What's your name?†I asked.
“My name is Don Hanson,†he said.
“When's a good time to catch you, Don?â€
“I'm home every evening after five.â€
“Listen, Don, can I tell you something?â€
“Yes?â€
“Don, you're a scumbag.â€
Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial. Now, when I had a problem, I had two scumbags to call…
But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. So, I came up with an idea. I called Scumbag #1…
“Hello.â€
“You're a scumbag!†(But I didn't hang up…)
“Are you still there?†he asked.
“Yeah,†I said.
“Stop calling me,†he screamed.
“Make me,†I said.
“Who are you?†he asked.
“My name is Don Hanson.â€
“Yeah? Where do you live?â€
“Scumbag, I live at 1969 West 35th Street, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front.â€
He said, “I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.â€
I said, “Yeah, like I'm really scared, scumbag.â€
Then I called Scumbag #2.
“Hello?†he said.
“Hello, scumbag,†I said.
He yelled, “If I ever find out who you are, I'll…â€
“You'll what?†I said.
“I'll kick your ass,†he exclaimed.
I answered, “Well, scumbag, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now.â€
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1969 West 35th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.
Then I called CKVU Channel 13 News about the gang war going down on West 35th Street.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to 35th Street.
There I saw two scumbags beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, and news crew.
Now I feel a lot better…
