Texas Yellow Fever
Full Access Member
I like # 3, I GOT to remember that one...
This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to
Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and
preferred to get in and get out. Equally, unfortunately, my wife is like
most women ---she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the
following letter from Wal -Mart.
Dear Mrs. Samuel,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion
in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban
both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Samuel are listed
below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
carts when they weren't looking .
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute
intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's
restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,
'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on
layaway.
6. August 14: Moved the 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a c arpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other
shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from
the bedding department.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and
screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
9. September 4th: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a
mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked
the clerk where the antidepressants were.
1 1. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming
the ' Mission Impossible'theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna Look'
by using different sizes of funnels
13. October 18: He hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed by, he
yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed
a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
and last, but not least.... ... ...
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile,
then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.!
This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to
Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and
preferred to get in and get out. Equally, unfortunately, my wife is like
most women ---she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the
following letter from Wal -Mart.
Dear Mrs. Samuel,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion
in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban
both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Samuel are listed
below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
carts when they weren't looking .
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute
intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's
restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,
'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on
layaway.
6. August 14: Moved the 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a c arpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other
shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from
the bedding department.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and
screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
9. September 4th: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a
mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked
the clerk where the antidepressants were.
1 1. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming
the ' Mission Impossible'theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna Look'
by using different sizes of funnels
13. October 18: He hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed by, he
yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed
a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
and last, but not least.... ... ...
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile,
then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.!
