Wife Left me

Jeff, I know it's easier said than done, but just focus on you and what makes you happy. Just like a bunch of others here, I've been down that road. Thought it was the worst thing to happen to me at the time, turns out I couldn't have been more wrong.

I figured (and planned) on staying single the rest of my life after that. It worked for a while, hehe. Then I met Daosa, and I really believe that she will be there to bury me (hopefully not in the back yard hehe).

Moral of the story is just chalk it up as a learning experience. It doesn't mean that all women are trouble, sometimes you don't get it right the first time. Give it some time and you'll find that you will be just fine.
 
13-years married and 20-years together with two kids and loving life. This same thing happen to me when I was not married, and I am GLAD it did it will work out you will see.

John
M&H :)
 
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The below article is a current article that backs up research I did several years ago that basically explains why we have so much trouble with relationships. In a nutshell men and women think and perceive things differently. The result was that no wonder it is so rare to find couples that stay together and happy for very long. After studying the way women think,
I found it easy to get into a relationship, but eventually tired of having to think before I said or did anything how it would be perceived by the woman. I finally said to hell with it and my only regret is that I didn't realize this about 35 or 40 years, and several hundred thousand dollars ago. I also witnessed first hand cases where the couple had been married 40+ years and the wife just got a wild hair and drug the poor old guy into divorce court. (who didn't have a clue that anything was even wrong)

The moral is to stay emotionally and financially independant and you will be guaranteed not to go through the BS your going through now ever again.





The Male Brain, Explained
By Laura Schaefer
Women have puzzled over it for years—why the heck do men do the things they do? Why do they profess their love for you one minute, then ignore you the next (say, when an Attila the Hun special turns up on TV)? Why can they not remember our birthdays?



Be patient with his memory

The hippocampus, where initial memories are formed, occupies a smaller percent of the male brain than the female brain. If on your first date he can't remember where you work, even though you told him all about it when you met, just remember that size matters … hippocampus size, that is. Don't take it personally. (Oh, and don't be surprised when, months down the line, he has no clue you've just changed your hair.)


Don't expect him to get hints

Have a crush on him? You may have to put it out there, because men aren't as skilled at women at reading subtle emotional cues. As Dr. Larry Cahill of the University of California at Irvine puts it, "We have been assuming that the ways in which emotions are organized in the brain are essentially similar in men and women," but they aren't. Parts of the limbic cortex, which is involved in emotional responses, are smaller in men than in women. Additionally, scientists at McMaster University have found that guys have a smaller density of neurons in areas of the temporal lobe that deal with language processing. That's why it's probably a good idea to tell him straight-up how you're feeling ("I'm kind of hurt that you forgot I hate sushi"). Expecting him to infer from your hints could leave both of you scratching your heads.



Don't take conversation lulls personally

Fact is, guys in general just aren't as verbally adept as women are. Large parts of the cortex — the brain's outer layer that does a big part of recognizing and using subtle language cues — are thinner in men than they are in women. A study led by Dr. Godfrey Pearlson of Johns Hopkins University has shown that two areas in the frontal and temporal lobes that play an important role in language processing are significantly smaller in men. Using MRIs, the Johns Hopkins scientists measured gray matter volumes in several brain regions in 17 females and 43 males. Women had 23 percent more volume than men in the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex and 13 percent more volume than men in the superior temporal cortex. "Women," explains Dr. Cahill, "excel in being able to come up with appropriate words, given cues." Men — not so much. Don't expect him to chatter with you on dates with the skill of a girlfriend, and don't assume he's not interested in you if he occasionally lets the conversation lapse. Think of it this way: He's simply basking in moments of quiet companionship.



Appreciate his naturally upbeat nature

Does he seem to be "up" most of the time? It's not your imagination: Male brains produce 52 percent more serotonin (the chemical that influences mood) than female brains, according to a study done at McGill University. And studies show that fewer men than women suffer from depression. Guys may also have an easier time rolling with life's big stresses. If he tells you he recently lost his golden lab or suffered a job loss and doesn't get all teary, it doesn't mean he's heartless; rather, he has healthy stores of serotonin.



Don't expect his take on your relationship history to match yours

He may be incapable of seeing your shared past the way you do. Brain images have started to show that men and women use their brains in vastly different ways. For example, women use the left part of the amygdala — the part of the brain that creates emotional reactions to events — to put memories in order by emotional strength, meaning that something emotionally important to them (like a great first date a couple of months ago) will be ordered in front of what they ate for breakfast yesterday. Men, however, use the right part of the amygdala to put memories in order. Traditionally, the right hemisphere of the brain is associated with the central action of an event, while the left hemisphere is associated with finer details. Translation: You'll both remember your first date, but he might not remember the color of your sweater or the light rain that was falling that night. It doesn't mean he was checked out; it just means he's a guy.



Remember his brain is his largest sex organ

In males of several species including humans, the preoptic area of the hypothalamus is greater in volume, in cross-sectional area and in the number of cells. In men, this area is more than two times larger than in women, and it contains twice as many cells. And what, say you, does this have to do with the horizontal mambo? Plenty. This area of the hypothalamus is in charge of mating behavior.

This small structure connects to the pituitary gland, which releases sex hormones. So if your bf wants to get intimate all the time and you feel like Ms. Low Desire, remember: You're just experiencing normal, brain-based differences.


Laura Schaefer is the author of Man with Farm Seeks Woman with Tractor: The Best and Worst Personal Ads of All Time. For the other side of this story, read The Female Brain, Explained.

Article courtesy of Happen magazine, www.happenmag.com.


 
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Makes sense to me :D
 
This thread has been hijacked into the "how long have you been married thread.....

Let's get back on point and ease the man's pain here.....

Lynette and I got married when Jesus was here the last time..... ;)

D
 
Keep you chin up and only time will heal what happening inside your head. Stay away from bars and alcohol. Doing those things only can get you into other problems.
Get with a set of close friends that have good listening skills and will give you proper advise.

Seek out counselling from a chaplin. What you tell them is in confidents, and will not just be a good wiping post, but assist you getting through this dreaded time.

A sudden lose in relationship wheither it a wife or a girlfriend is tough thing to deal with. Especially without a good support group. I have been there more time then I care to count.

Been deployed 3 times, not counting short tours to Korea, Germany, and Central America.

Divorced so many times, I keep a lawyer on retainer. (joke)

When people see me in uniform and ask me what a particilar ribbon is, I tell them that was my first divorce, this one is my second, and so on......

I always use humor as a self defense. It seems to get me through anyways.
 
Come back and i got 91 peices of wisdom. You guys are great.
Im here to inform you she is coming back on monday to work things out and start over. Ill keep you updated.

167 people in my squadron i work with everyday, all knowing my problem. ONE person called, emailed or came by in a week, the other kind words or pat on the backs are the ones that turn the corner and laugh at it. I had 17 emails and 6 PMs and 91 kind messages from vtcoa. Thanks again.
 
JeffBoyette said:
Come back and i got 91 peices of wisdom. You guys are great.
Im here to inform you she is coming back on monday to work things out and start over. Ill keep you updated.

167 people in my squadron i work with everyday, all knowing my problem. ONE person called, emailed or came by in a week, the other kind words or pat on the backs are the ones that turn the corner and laugh at it. I had 17 emails and 6 PMs and 91 kind messages from vtcoa. Thanks again.
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all sincere too bro. looks like most on here have been where your at. we hope you get it all straightened out
 
JeffBoyette said:
Come back and i got 91 peices of wisdom. You guys are great.
Im here to inform you she is coming back on monday to work things out and start over. Ill keep you updated.

167 people in my squadron i work with everyday, all knowing my problem. ONE person called, emailed or came by in a week, the other kind words or pat on the backs are the ones that turn the corner and laugh at it. I had 17 emails and 6 PMs and 91 kind messages from vtcoa. Thanks again.
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Awesome!:congrats: I am glad that she is coming back!! Marriage is a sacred thing never to be taken lightly! If you can work it out, you will both be stronger for it!!

Here is a website that I visit every once in a while just to make sure I am still on track!
www.marriagebuilders.com Some great information, and great forums as well!!

Good luck to you both!!:rock:
 
Glad to hear she is coming back. I will pray that you guys can form an even stronger bond.
a couple years ago my wife and I attend the "weekend to Remember" conference that we both enjoyed. you could prolly google it.

Also a few books to read
"Love & Respect"
"5 love languages"

like anything else you can both say what you are going to do. the tough part is putting it into action. God bless both of you!
 
bring her to the gtg next month, im sure we can help you get her straightened out:D
 
I hope things work out for you, sometimes it takes time to "chill" and get to the root of things. You definately have a good support system in here:)
Dawn
 
FlyingLow said:
So no road trip?
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Man that was a stand up thing you offered. Ive used that and the 100 replies from you guys to brag about when people ask do i have support. Thanks alot for your offer it wont be soon forgotten
 
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