Alternate Words & Letters The Washington Post recently published a contest for readers in which they were asked to supply alternate meanings for various words.
The following were some of the winning entries:
The following were some of the winning entries:
- Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach
- Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
- Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent
- Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained
- Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie
- Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp
- Gargoyle (n.), an olive flavoured mouthwash
- Bustard (n.), a rude bus driver
- Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon
- Flatulence (n.), an emergency vehicle that picks you up if you've been run over by a steamroller
- Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline
- Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam
- Semantics (n.), pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood
- Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
- Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions
- Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
- Frisbatarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there
- Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the reader who doesn't get it
- Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
- Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex
- Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously.
- Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
- Karmageddon: End of the world due to a build up of bad-vibes
- Glibido: All talk and no action.
- Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
- Intaxication: Euphoria at receiving a tax refund, which lasts until you realise it was your money to start with.
- Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
