Texas Yellow Fever
Full Access Member
I've been so damn busy lately I'm way behind on my posts, but this one needed done...
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself "Lillian, you should
have remained a virgin."
-- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered.But I was not pleased
to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against
a wall."
-- Eleanor Roosevelt
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have
since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
-- Mark Twain
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending;
and to have the two as close together as possible.
-- George Burns
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
-- Victor Borge
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
-- Mark Twain
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get
a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
-- Socrates
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
-- Groucho Marx
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops
to breathe.
-- Jimmy Durante
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
-- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups:
alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
-- Alex Levine
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
Money can't buy you happiness .. but it does bring you a more pleasant form
of misery.
-- Spike Milligan
I am opposed to millionaires... but it would be dangerous to offer me the
position.
-- Mark Twai n
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.
--Joe Namath
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my
nap.
-- Bob Hope
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
-- W.C. Fields
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way
through Congress.
-- Will Rogers
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. . as you grow older, it will avoid
you.
-- Winston Churchill
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty ... but everything else starts to
wear out, fall out, or spread out.
-- Phyllis Diller
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go
anywhere.
-- Billy Crystal
The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out.
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself "Lillian, you should
have remained a virgin."
-- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered.But I was not pleased
to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against
a wall."
-- Eleanor Roosevelt
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have
since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
-- Mark Twain
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending;
and to have the two as close together as possible.
-- George Burns
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
-- Victor Borge
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
-- Mark Twain
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get
a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
-- Socrates
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
-- Groucho Marx
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops
to breathe.
-- Jimmy Durante
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
-- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups:
alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
-- Alex Levine
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
Money can't buy you happiness .. but it does bring you a more pleasant form
of misery.
-- Spike Milligan
I am opposed to millionaires... but it would be dangerous to offer me the
position.
-- Mark Twai n
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.
--Joe Namath
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my
nap.
-- Bob Hope
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
-- W.C. Fields
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way
through Congress.
-- Will Rogers
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. . as you grow older, it will avoid
you.
-- Winston Churchill
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty ... but everything else starts to
wear out, fall out, or spread out.
-- Phyllis Diller
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go
anywhere.
-- Billy Crystal
The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out.
