You guys really kick ass for stepping up to help me out. Luckily, in a fit of genius, i sat my cap on my battery while topping her off. After putting the oil in i invested the time in checking the dipstick to see where she was at. Then i went on this adventure.
Why is it so damn hard to check the oil in these trucks. I clean the dipstick, put it all the way in, pull it out, when i look at it there will be oil on one side, Splotchy, and the other a completely different splotch. Splotch is a word!...... I check it cold, i check it warm, i check it 2 minutes after shutting it off, i check it 20 min after shutting it off. I check it 3-4 times a week! Samn shit, I check it after doing an oil change and i know there is sufficient oil in there, its still hard to read.
Im at 2700 miles since my change ive put 2 quarts in (perfectly normal i suppose) my oil is dark enough to be perfectly distinguishable.
For illustrative purposes
one side

the other side

So i took a wire brush and scuffed it up to give the oil something to cling to and make it more readable Same damn thing.
BTW i found my cap. Fell upside down in my battery tray.