A serious question for parents

[ntw0rk]

At what age do you think your child should be able to decide whether or not they do things with the family?

It's a LOT deeper than that, so let me explain my particular dilemna.

My son has just informed me that he isn't going to his Great-Grandmother's 90th birthday/Family Reunion this summer.

I asked why. He said because he doesn't feel like it, he doesn't want to. I asked why not. He said because he doesn't know anybody there. And he really doesn't know them, which to ME is all the more reason for him to go. He should meet his cousins aunts and uncles from my father's side of the family.

And apparently, his mother says it's ok, that if he doesn't want to go then he doesn't have to. But, last winter he went to Canada to meet his step-father's family (notice I said MEET?) and that was ok.

Well, I asserted that I didn't think that he should have a real choice in the matter, and he says he's old enough to make his own decisions.

Ready for this?


He's 14, he'll be 15 in August.

Is he old enough, or should he be made to go?
(We also have a trip to Cedar Point in Sandusky thrown in for fun!)

 

[MikeNice]

It's not my place to say "yes" or "no" to the age at which your kid is right to stay at home.

But,

My son is 17 and he'll be 18 in Aug. He is given the chance to state why or why not, but I still have the final say. I choose my battles.
If he is allowed to stay home, and it's more than a day, I have someone stay with him. Want my house in one piece when I get home.

I also pad lock the garage door. (No taking the SRT out)

 

[eddie102870]

hell no he'snot old enough when he's 18 he can make his own decisions. like paying his own power bill, rent insurance, etc. just my opinion

 

[BurntRubber]

he goes, its your word and your the man. plus his great grandmother, he should have more respect for someone who lived thru the depression, no indoor plumbing, world wars, no TV, cars and actually sacriced real things not just losing there ipod.

 

[Smokey]

he goes, its your word and your the man. plus his great grandmother, he should have more respect for someone who lived thru the depression, no indoor plumbing, world wars, no TV, cars and actually sacriced real things not just losing there ipod.

:dito: i think i might be a little young (21)to comment but i agree, he SHOULD go, burntrubber said it best....

 

[ntw0rk]

Hehe, he did lose his iPod last year...


That's the way I feel too.

One of the big problems is that he lives in Maine with his Mother and Stepfather, and she lets him get away with too much.

He is a mature 14 yo, but he is still 14. He's really a good kid, gets straight A's, stays out of trouble, and loves to play sports, but she has tried to work all of my kids against me, in small subtle ways so as to not be very noticable.

I will b speaking to her about all of this, and it will likely get ugly!

 

[wheredwhogo?]

if you let him stay home, work his ass off

 

[ntw0rk]

if you let him stay home, work his ass off

I wish I were there to enforce that.

 

[wyoramsrt-10]

I say he goes. The only time I would let him decide is if it wasn't his family.

 

[ntw0rk]

I say he goes. The only time I would let him decide is if it wasn't his family.

See, now that I could understand a little bit more too...

 

[wyoramsrt-10]

I let my son decide if it is not his family. And so far he has gone to those events with me. But he is 12 and not 14. Even at that little of age gap I can see how it could be more difficult to enforce him going to family events.

 

[JTS VENOM PERFORMANCE]

Ntwork I'm old school, in other words my parents told me the old saying of

"as long as you live in my house , you listen and obey my rules"


and if I didnt..............they popped the shi$t outta me

So I guess I say as long as he is under your roof, he basically has no say so


Ask him if he wants to pay rent, then he can make his own choices

 

[6pakattack]

I personally think it would be the RIGHT thing to do,and there's that other word that youth of today seem to forget all to easily,and that is
"R E S P E C T " !!!! :rock: :rock: :rock:

 

[ntw0rk]

Tony, to be exact, he doesn't live under my roof. He lives with his mom.

But, I understand what you are saying. I am old school too!

Shit, last year he said he didn't want to come to Florida to spend two weeks with me, and he almost got away with it. It's is mother's doing. She tells him it's ok.
Pisses me off!!!

 

[BurntRubber]

Tony, to be exact, he doesn't live under my roof. He lives with his mom.

But, I understand what you are saying. I am old school too!

Shit, last year he said he didn't want to come to Florida to spend two weeks with me, and he almost got away with it. It's is mother's doing. She tells him it's ok.
Pisses me off!!!

Dude he's 14 and doesn't want to go to florida to hang with his dad? Man whats there to do in Maine = have sex with bears and moose, at least Florida has got some ladies

 

[JTS VENOM PERFORMANCE]

Tony, to be exact, he doesn't live under my roof. He lives with his mom.

But, I understand what you are saying. I am old school too!

Shit, last year he said he didn't want to come to Florida to spend two weeks with me, and he almost got away with it. It's is mother's doing. She tells him it's ok.
Pisses me off!!!

Then bro, that makes it tough

That brings on an entire different set of rules , man thats tough bro, so sorry for ya

 

[ntw0rk]

But, I don't think it should be different just because he doesn't live with me. I am still his father, damnit!

I will straighten it out. He might not like it at first, but he'll be there!

 

[JTS VENOM PERFORMANCE]

But, I don't think it should be different just because he doesn't live with me. I am still his father, damnit!

I will straighten it out. He might not like it at first, but he'll be there!

believe me , I agree 100% with ya

do like my ol man did.... take his as# out behind the barn, beat the everlovin crap outta him, help him up, tell him ya love him, give him a big hug, knock his as# back to the ground

Respect

 

[walenator]

But, I don't think it should be different just because he doesn't live with me. I am still his father, damnit!

I will straighten it out. He might not like it at first, but he'll be there!

Best answer. We do things in life we don't like every day. He will grow from this an learn to adapt to situations put upon him. To not make him go would be more harmful.

 

[sleeper]

Sorry to say, but if he lives with his mom you don't have a leg to stand on here. Sounds like his mom makes the rules in his life now.